You were sad and after failing to keep the promises to yourself, you found yourself soaking in intoxicants. Decisions were easy in this state; you were driven by simple needs and desire. There was no question of whether or not you should do this; you were going to do it regardless. Despite the desire to constantly be in control, you give in. You find yourself at her door, for the first time in years. It was as if nothing had changed and you were reliving a time when this was all you wanted.