November 19, 2014

The next few days were a constant reminder of the split. The first day back to work, a co-worker asked about you. I held my tears in as I told him we had decided to take a break. He followed with a sincere apologize; all I wanted was for him to stop talking.

I didn’t need or want anyone’s apologizes, I wanted to forget you. I don’t mean I wanted to evacuate all the memories we had together, no I wanted to keep those. What I needed was to stop visualizing you in my future.

The little things, liking picking a restaurant or a movie to watch, had always been a balancing act of both our likes and dislikes. Three years had created habits, I wasn’t sure I could break. My past had been filled with actions beside you; it wasn’t easy to erase you from my planning. But you aren’t here, and I guess I should now do the things you always hated.

Every time I wanted to go out to eat, I always thought about where you liked to go. How we would never get Chinese food, because you didn’t like it. I loved Chinese food and I haven’t had it in three years because of you.

Or choosing a movie, I thought how you didn’t like comedies, so they were out of the question. I didn’t see that big summer hit last year, because you thought it look dumb and didn’t want to waste money sitting through something you didn’t enjoy.

That’s when I decided what my next Friday night would be. I order my favorite dish from the Chinese place down the street. I went to Redbox after work, and got that summer hit I missed out on. I sat there, laughing, and eating the food I missed out on for three years. By the end of the movie, I started crying. I’m not sure why. Maybe it was because I missed you, but I was finding myself in your absence.

I got food poisoning from the food I ordered.  At first, I thought about how it could have been avoided if we had figured out a way to works things out. But I pushed these thoughts as far out of my mind as I could. These things happen in life, kind of how break ups happen. I don’t think missing you is going to get much easier anytime soon.

To be continued..