In a world filled with distractions, sometimes I feel as though we occupy the same space, but we don’t really see or hear each other. Our thoughts are always being diverted towards a million other things. In this moment, I want you to see me. I want your undivided attention, if only for a blink in this timeline. I want you to hear me when I say I love you.
This version of me would never exist without you. Personalities entwined between bed sheets and hurried kisses. Happiness was a word barely comprehendible until you, as parts that were once frayed have found a new way to be whole. Between laughter building bridges to new possibilities, was hope being restored amidst prolonged eye contact. And love was the foundation where all of this could settle.
This is an excerpt from my poetry chapbook, All Or Nothing, which can now be found in the amazon store.
What do you call the space that grows between two people? The space that starts off as unnoticeable, but with time can grow into a canyon? And what can you find in this space other than time and distance? Is it always filled with hatred and bitterness, or does it also have doses of indifference? How does this space become so wide, that times seems to passed with a blink of the eye and you have been without them longer than you ever spent next to them? How can some people be so important to you in one part of your life, and not even a speck in your existence in the next? Is this the doomed life we are force to live? Because my heart has been abused by these coming and goings and I don’t want this to get easier with time. Just tell me this distance won’t grow too big, because I can’t imagine a future without you in it, but I’m starting to sense the growing of space.
I don’t want to let you go, my nails are digging deep into skin that seems to be slipping from my grasp. “I love you,” I say, but the words fall out of my mouth, into a puddle on the floor. You don’t even glance in my direction. Maybe I’ve said it one too many times. Maybe you had hoped I wouldn’t say it this last time.
Our life feels as though it is on a loop and I’m forced to relive the rise and fall of us over and over again. Each time around my heart gets crushed a bit more, as my love for you burrows in deeper. But if there was no hope for a future for us, why do we keep coming back for this pain?
The quiet was filled with the static of all the things we were refusing to say. Our hearts were fighting to break free of their cage, reaching for each other. We shoved them back in for another day of peace. Leaving the words to be etched into the surface of our hearts, a novel we didn’t want each other to read. We weren’t ready for the vulnerability.
I’ve heard there are two things you need to make a relationship work, timing and chemistry. We can’t blame this one on timing, because I gave you years that went to waste. How many times have promises of forever escaped my lips, while you couldn’t even commit to tomorrow? And chemistry? Did you forget that there was a time when we couldn’t keep our hands off each other? Your coded texts mixed with, “I miss you” and, “I love you” between drawn out messages and secret meeting places. So tell me, what was the thing missing to make this relationship work?
Nothing’s change, except time. I still feel the same, but every time I try to bridge the distance between us, I get shoved back with both hands. And how many times can one person justify standing an arm’s length away, hoping for things to be different, to be better? When history creates habits hard to break, it’s difficult to look passed all the bad. Things may never have been the way I wanted them to be, but not for one moment do I second guess this. I’d take the bad all over again if it meant sense could be made out of this mess we created.
Check out my new poetry chapbook, All Or Nothing, now available in the amazon store.
You push me away, just to pull me back in moments before your lingering taste can escape my mouth. How am I supposed to move on, when you are everything I want to move towards?
Check out my new poetry chapbook, All Or Nothing, now available in the Amazon store.
To be honest, thoughts of you invade my mind way more than I would like to admit. Every time we parted, it was as though you hadn’t really been there at all. I couldn’t remember seeing you, or the words you had said. You could say I wasn’t paying attention to the fact that you were even there. We were taking up the same space, but I couldn’t remember it. I had this distinct feeling that I may have made you up in my mind. That you were never really there, but rather a thought that was meant to help me get though a past that still haunted me and that isn’t fair to you.
I never gave you the chance you deserved.