Nothing’s Changed

Nothing’s change, except time. I still feel the same, but every time I try to bridge the distance between us, I get shoved back with both hands. And how many times can one person justify standing an arm’s length away, hoping for things to be different, to be better? When history creates habits hard to break, it’s difficult to look passed all the bad. Things may never have been the way I wanted them to be, but not for one moment do I second guess this. I’d take the bad all over again if it meant sense could be made out of this mess we created.

Check out my new poetry chapbook, All Or Nothing, now available in the amazon store.

Does He See You Now?

To be honest, thoughts of you invade my mind way more than I would like to admit. Every time we parted, it was as though you hadn’t really been there at all. I couldn’t remember seeing you, or the words you had said. You could say I wasn’t paying attention to the fact that you were even there. We were taking up the same space, but I couldn’t remember it. I had this distinct feeling that I may have made you up in my mind. That you were never really there, but rather a thought that was meant to help me get though a past that still haunted me and that isn’t fair to you.

I never gave you the chance you deserved.

 

Like what you read? Check out my new poetry chapbook, All Or Nothing, now available in the Amazon store.

Everything Is Temporary

We live in a world where everything is temporary, yet everyone is so desperate to find something that will prevail. Perhaps this is why, when things turn toxic, we cling to each other in hopes of making it to the end together. We were one of those temporary things. But the beautiful thing about endings, it doesn’t make it any less real.

 

Like what you read? Check out my new poetry chapbook, All Or Nothing, now available in the Amazon store.

Habits Are Hard To Break

Sometimes it seems as though nothing ever changes and we are stuck in a never ending cycle. One were hope peaks in their absence and crashes in their presence. The same words are used as bullets and touching seems familiar. When history creates habits hard to break, it’s difficult to look passed all the bad.

Nothing has changed and I still feel the same, but every time I try to bridge the distance between, I get shoved back with both hands. And how many times can one person justify standing an arms length away, hoping for things to be different, to be better?

 

Like what you read? Check out my new poetry chapbook, All Or Nothing, now available in the Amazon store.

You’ll Always Be More Than A Neural Pathway

Constantly repeating actions creates neural pathways like walkways in our brains. Humans get stuck in these pathways, because it’s a way for us to run on autopilot. Less energy is used in this state because the brain finds tasks it knows how to do well, simpler than learning new things.

This is what loving you felt like. It was a habit, an addiction, a well-defined neural pathway. Maybe it serves it an injustice to describe it in this way, but I have been trying to make sense of why we feel the way we do.

I try to just go with it, letting these feelings take me where they need to go, but they have been known to take me straight into your arms, arms that have grown weary of holding onto a fleeting moment.

What happens to these pathways once the object of their creation is gone? How long does it take to fade? Because no matter how long you have been gone, I can’t seem to forget how to hold you. Maybe you were always more than just a neural pathway.

 

Like what you read? Check out my new poetry chapbook, All Or Nothing, now available in the Amazon store.

I Fell In Love With The Truth

She told the truth so freely, as if it was flowing out of her like a coursing river. The kind that has the power to create a new path if it has to and there was no stopping it. She never held back a thing from me. Every word out of her was causing me to sink deeper. In the end I fell in love with her her truths.

It made me spoiled, because through all this we were keeping a huge secret from everyone in our lives. In the absence of eyes, our truths came out out when we were together between entangled sheets. I grew to resent the lying, with the truth craving to come spilling out of me like an overflowing bucket.

In the end it was the truths that caused us to come crashing down. We were one truth she couldn’t stand to face. It was the sin she could no longer carry. And when our lies could no longer bear the weight of the coursing river, the truths broke down the dam that send us to an ending neither of us had predicted among the passion.

 

Like what you read? Check out my new poetry chapbook, All Or Nothing, now available in the Amazon store.

Ghost In My Voicemail

You were a semi-truck plowing down the highway, and I simply an innocent bystander. By the time you were done with me, I was a bloody mess and you miles down the road. My tongue danced around your lies as you pulled me into you, only to push away. And when you were gone, my ears would ring from the words you left behind. You were the ghost haunting my voicemail. A sound that was left from a distance, but hung around long enough to replace the space you once occupied. Even as images of you seemed to fade with time, the haunting still continued. I found myself helpless when it came to the delete button. My fingers hovered over them, even after enough time had passed for the healing to create scar tissue. So a voice that is nothing, but a memory, is left to haunt me.

 

Like what you read? Check out my new poetry chapbook, All Or Nothing, now available in the Amazon store.

 

Is It Time To Come Home?

Why do you feel so inevitable to me? My mind betrays my feelings and I can’t seem to fight the desire to come back. How do I look her in the eyes and say “I lied, she still exist inside me.”

Like what you read? Check out my new poetry chapbook, All Or Nothing, now available in the Amazon store.

Revisiting Old Chapters

You were sad and after failing to keep the promises to yourself, you found yourself soaking in intoxicants. Decisions were easy in this state; you were driven by simple needs and desire. There was no question of whether or not you should do this; you were going to do it regardless. Despite the desire to constantly be in control, you give in. You find yourself at her door, for the first time in years. It was as if nothing had changed and you were reliving a time when this was all you wanted.

 

Like what you read? Check out my new poetry chapbook, All Or Nothing, now available in the Amazon store.

Wars Fought Between Lovers

I found that vodka would never be more intoxicating, than when stolen from your lips. But you are the worst poison for me, infecting organ systems with just one kiss. It was the fuel that started the wars because it seemed like I lost myself on this fragile line of feeling pain and causing it. These words became wars fought between lovers, who mistaken this life for a combat zone. Incessantly, firing rounds at each other. Narrowly, missing vital organs by inches. Did you really believe all was fair in love when you brought an arsenal to our first first date and placed grenades, instead of your hand in mine? I never wanted us to be at constant war, but more often than not our voices were raised against each other and we found that love was a battle that we could not win.

 

Like what you read? Check out my new poetry chapbook, All Or Nothing, now available in the Amazon store.