Casey’s Journal Part 7

Posted on by Christina Rasmuson

November 30, 2014

The end, it sounds so final. As if part of my life is over forever, I suppose it is. How do you move on from an ending? Do you crawl your way through life, hoping that one day things will get better?

We may have ended, but my life didn’t. I needed to remind myself that there was hope at the end of this tunnel vision I had for you. My life had been focused around our relationship, and I started to lose my sense of self inside. In this thought, I am trying to convince myself that I am better off without you. I’m concerned that, once this numbness wears off, I’m going to plummet into the pain of missing you.

Right now, I feel pretty much nothing. It’s as if I’m in shock. Is it actually over? How could we let us fall apart? We made a promise that was supposed to last forever.

This is just the calm before the storm. A storm which, I suspect, will last a long time. I’m sorry for whoever gets caught in my hurricane of missing you.

To be continued…

Casey’s Journal Part 6

Posted on by Christina Rasmuson

November 26, 2014

Today, I am angry at you. I’m so mad at how we ended things. Maybe if you didn’t say the words that day, we could have worked it out. Why did you have to give up hope?! Staying together would have taken a lot of effort, but we had plans. You shatter those plans in one instant and now I’m left here grieving a lover that isn’t dead, just gone.

I thought you were braver than me because you had the courage to end it, but I’m not really sure that was brave anymore. We had plans, a life together. You ruined that and convinced me it was for the best. Is this really the best? I’m left here alone crying in my new apartment still haunted by our memories. Living without you seems impossible. I don’t think I’ll ever be happy again. I built my happiness in you, when you walked away you took it with you and I hate you for that.