November 30, 2014
The end, it sounds so final. As if part of my life is over forever, I suppose it is. How do you move on from an ending? Do you crawl your way through life, hoping that one day things will get better?
We may have ended, but my life didn’t. I needed to remind myself that there was hope at the end of this tunnel vision I had for you. My life had been focused around our relationship, and I started to lose my sense of self inside. In this thought, I am trying to convince myself that I am better off without you. I’m concerned that, once this numbness wears off, I’m going to plummet into the pain of missing you.
Right now, I feel pretty much nothing. It’s as if I’m in shock. Is it actually over? How could we let us fall apart? We made a promise that was supposed to last forever.
This is just the calm before the storm. A storm which, I suspect, will last a long time. I’m sorry for whoever gets caught in my hurricane of missing you.
To be continued…
I have a hard time remembering the me before there was an us. Becoming so intertwined with each other, it’s as if we no longer exist as individuals. If there was a different version of my that once walked this Earth, she is a distant memory scattered through the memories of everyone who had the misfortune of meeting her. She was rougher than the me now, broken in places she wasn’t sure how to fix. The jagged edges caused problems in her relationships. But you were able to withstand them. You worked out the sharp corners. Maybe the pieces couldn’t all be fixed, but you found a way around them. And now here we are, the shadow of what we once were just a distant memory.
We aren’t born with the answers to how we are going to live our lives. Time is the only thing that can reveal these answers. As we grow older we learn valuable lessons, which help us come to terms with the versions of ourselves that we inevitable develop into. A version that is, hopefully, wiser and better than the day before. Today, June 7th, is my 28th birthday and to commemorate that here is a list of 28 lessons I have learned throughout the years.
- Life is not always forward momentum. Sometimes, you find yourself stumbling backwards and this is needed to help center yourself so you can start moving forwards again.
- Grudges over love are never worth holding on to. If they aren’t treating you the way you expect to be, someone else will come around that can. Never settle for something that makes you feel unwanted.
- Be kind to people, even if they aren’t to you. You never know what battles they are fighting.
- Let go anger, it will only cause you harm.
- In fact let go of all negative energy that is holding you back from happiness.
- Surround yourself with people who build you up and support you. You have enough doubts in your own head; you don’t need them from outside sources.
- Never stop striving to make yourself better. We are not fixed beings; we are capable of growing into something different each and every day. Take advantage of this and learn a new way to live.
- Your biggest goal should be living a life that leads to happiness.
- Learn how to accept that things change because this is the only certainty in life. The more you hold on to trying to keep things static, the more you will suffer.
- Everyone has problems they are working through, you aren’t special and it shouldn’t be a competition.
- The simple act of living means you will suffer in one way or another; learn to accept to smile even in the most trying of times.
- Love is not supposed to hurt. It may not be perfect, but it shouldn’t be causing you to suffer on a regular basis.
- Learn to celebrate the small things. Life is happening around you and it isn’t going to slow down.
- Be active, go outside, and enjoy nature. Our world if a beautiful place and should be thoroughly experienced.
- You can keep learning even if you are no longer in school. Knowledge is powerful, never stop searching for answers. It will help you better understand this world.
- Stop saying you will do something tomorrow. Today is the best day to start working towards you goals. A better moment will never come.
- Failure is inevitable, but it makes you better. Learn to accept failure as a part of life, but don’t allow it to hold you back from trying again.
- The best person to rely on is yourself. Learn how to be self-sufficient.
- Relationships require a lot of work, but going to sleep with the same person in your bed every night can make life a little less lonely.
- Don’t get other people involved in problems with your significant other.
- Communication is a vital skill to have.
- Hustle hard, but be humble about it.
- Make sure you aren’t perpetuating your own misery because you have grown a taste for monotony.
- Don’t waste time stressing over small things you have no control over. If something doesn’t go right, learn to accept it and move forward. You don’t have control over the flow of the universe.
- Learning to forgive others for their mistakes is for you, not them. It helps give you peace of mind.
- Life can be expensive, but money will not bring you happiness.
- Your health is not guaranteed. Injuries and illnesses can take a long time to recover from. Take advantage of the days you are healthy and experience what the world has to offer.
- Most importantly, life should never be taken too seriously. Laugh at yourself, laugh with your friends, and smile more. Life is short, enjoy it while you can.
Check out my new poetry chapbook, All Or Nothing, now available in the Amazon store.