I hope my words linger long enough, for you to remember what we meant to each other. Not to make your heart heavy, rather a little lighter on the days it seems to be weighing you down.
You deserve more than whiskey fueled dreams and clumsy kisses. More than someone who can’t make up her mind. You deserve cotton candy filled skies and moonlit nights. You deserve promises made with a tongue grazing your lips. You deserve wedding bells and diamond rings. You deserve a life filled with laughter and happiness. You deserve more than I can give you.
I want to start this off by saying, yes, we are all human and we make mistakes. We shouldn’t always be held back by these mistakes. However, when someone repeatedly shows that they are okay with doing things that aren’t deemed necessary, than they should be held accountable.
Lying is a big pet peeve of mine, which is why I try, at all cost, to avoid it. I also don’t like to associate people who show that they are going to keep lying; even after they have been caught it lies time and time again.
When we reach a certain age we understand that lying is bad. It does more harm than good to people. Like I said in one of my previous post, the truth isn’t intended to hurt you, but a lie is. Lying causes the most pain, because not only did this person do something that is going to cause you pain, they decided to withhold this information from you, not giving you the chance to decide if they are worth keeping in your life or not. It’s as if they didn’t even trust you to understand they made a mistake. These kinds of people usually stack lies on top of each other, until they eventually crumble on top of them.
Why do people cheat in relationships? If you want to go around with other people, don’t be in a relationship. It’s as simple as that. It’s completely selfish to want to have a relationship, while also expecting the freedom of being single. Unless you have an open relationship establish, going around with another person is only going to break what you currently hold valuable.
I shouldn’t have to say this, but taking things that don’t belong to you isn’t cool. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes, how would you feel if you found that someone had taken something you worked for? There so many more important things in the world, which aren’t material thing. These types of possessions do not come with happiness built into them. I’ve witnessed too many people feel as though they have the right to take these types of objects from people.
I’m frustrated with the state of things right now. We all need to start trying to be better. Jealousy, is robbing us of our sense of peace. We value things more than people and feelings. Joy doesn’t come in a box, it’s found within ourselves and others. Even if it’s adding one good thing a day, we can all be better people.
She said my I love you’s sound more like apologies, for not knowing how to hold on to another human being, long before I was gone. And that I always seemed like I had one foot out the door, ready to run at the first sign of trouble. I was never taught how to love without contingencies and trust was just a fantasy. To protect my heart, I learned how to say goodbye as quickly as I said hello. In my world people were temporary and you shouldn’t hold on to anything so tightly. But then you stayed and you wrapped your arm so tightly around me, I couldn’t flee. You always had a part of your body touching mine, as if to quell the doubts in my mind. Every time I tried to flee, you grabbed my hand and pulled me back. You taught me how to stay. This time I won’t run, because you are the only place I know where to run to.
I lost my passion, beneath these dark clouds. It avoids me in my searches. Life seems so empty without it. I think I left it inside of you. You must have taken it when you left me. I didn’t find it in the box of stuff you returned. Now I don’t have either of you.
In a world filled with distractions, sometimes I feel as though we occupy the same space, but we don’t really see or hear each other. Our thoughts are always being diverted towards a million other things. In this moment, I want you to see me. I want your undivided attention, if only for a blink in this timeline. I want you to hear me when I say I love you.
What do you call the space that grows between two people? The space that starts off as unnoticeable, but with time can grow into a canyon? And what can you find in this space other than time and distance? Is it always filled with hatred and bitterness, or does it also have doses of indifference? How does this space become so wide, that times seems to passed with a blink of the eye and you have been without them longer than you ever spent next to them? How can some people be so important to you in one part of your life, and not even a speck in your existence in the next? Is this the doomed life we are force to live? Because my heart has been abused by these coming and goings and I don’t want this to get easier with time. Just tell me this distance won’t grow too big, because I can’t imagine a future without you in it, but I’m starting to sense the growing of space.
Do you love me because I am the air that fills your lungs? Or am I meant to be the wind that you can only hold as long as your breath? Were we always meant to be letting each other go? Because I feel your grasp Loosening from our interlocked fingers.
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I don’t want to let you go, my nails are digging deep into skin that seems to be slipping from my grasp. “I love you,” I say, but the words fall out of my mouth, into a puddle on the floor. You don’t even glance in my direction. Maybe I’ve said it one too many times. Maybe you had hoped I wouldn’t say it this last time.