I hope my words linger long enough, for you to remember what we meant to each other. Not to make your heart heavy, rather a little lighter on the days it seems to be weighing you down.
There are plenty of people I miss. Most of which I would never tell. Maybe it’s my pride, or maybe it’s the idea that they have been fine without me so far. And you? You, I miss the most.
I want to start this off by saying, yes, we are all human and we make mistakes. We shouldn’t always be held back by these mistakes. However, when someone repeatedly shows that they are okay with doing things that aren’t deemed necessary, than they should be held accountable.
Lying is a big pet peeve of mine, which is why I try, at all cost, to avoid it. I also don’t like to associate people who show that they are going to keep lying; even after they have been caught it lies time and time again.
When we reach a certain age we understand that lying is bad. It does more harm than good to people. Like I said in one of my previous post, the truth isn’t intended to hurt you, but a lie is. Lying causes the most pain, because not only did this person do something that is going to cause you pain, they decided to withhold this information from you, not giving you the chance to decide if they are worth keeping in your life or not. It’s as if they didn’t even trust you to understand they made a mistake. These kinds of people usually stack lies on top of each other, until they eventually crumble on top of them.
Why do people cheat in relationships? If you want to go around with other people, don’t be in a relationship. It’s as simple as that. It’s completely selfish to want to have a relationship, while also expecting the freedom of being single. Unless you have an open relationship establish, going around with another person is only going to break what you currently hold valuable.
I shouldn’t have to say this, but taking things that don’t belong to you isn’t cool. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes, how would you feel if you found that someone had taken something you worked for? There so many more important things in the world, which aren’t material thing. These types of possessions do not come with happiness built into them. I’ve witnessed too many people feel as though they have the right to take these types of objects from people.
I’m frustrated with the state of things right now. We all need to start trying to be better. Jealousy, is robbing us of our sense of peace. We value things more than people and feelings. Joy doesn’t come in a box, it’s found within ourselves and others. Even if it’s adding one good thing a day, we can all be better people.
She comes to me in the dead night, while I slumber. “I love you.” slips for her mouth, exactly how I remembered it. This time I can spot the frayed ends all over the words. The punctuation so firm at the end of the sentence, I see the ending she began. Her love wasn’t meant to last a lifetime, perhaps mine wouldn’t have either. She will learn to move on, while I’m left to analyze the dreams from the time it all started to fall apart. Finding each small moment she started to slip away from me, one sentence at a time.
She said my I love you’s sound more like apologies, for not knowing how to hold on to another human being, long before I was gone. And that I always seemed like I had one foot out the door, ready to run at the first sign of trouble. I was never taught how to love without contingencies and trust was just a fantasy. To protect my heart, I learned how to say goodbye as quickly as I said hello. In my world people were temporary and you shouldn’t hold on to anything so tightly. But then you stayed and you wrapped your arm so tightly around me, I couldn’t flee. You always had a part of your body touching mine, as if to quell the doubts in my mind. Every time I tried to flee, you grabbed my hand and pulled me back. You taught me how to stay. This time I won’t run, because you are the only place I know where to run to.
Do you love me because I am the air that fills your lungs? Or am I meant to be the wind that you can only hold as long as your breath? Were we always meant to be letting each other go? Because I feel your grasp Loosening from our interlocked fingers.
I don’t want to let you go, my nails are digging deep into skin that seems to be slipping from my grasp. “I love you,” I say, but the words fall out of my mouth, into a puddle on the floor. You don’t even glance in my direction. Maybe I’ve said it one too many times. Maybe you had hoped I wouldn’t say it this last time.
Our life feels as though it is on a loop and I’m forced to relive the rise and fall of us over and over again. Each time around my heart gets crushed a bit more, as my love for you burrows in deeper. But if there was no hope for a future for us, why do we keep coming back for this pain?
The quiet was filled with the static of all the things we were refusing to say. Our hearts were fighting to break free of their cage, reaching for each other. We shoved them back in for another day of peace. Leaving the words to be etched into the surface of our hearts, a novel we didn’t want each other to read. We weren’t ready for the vulnerability.