I have a hard time remembering the me before there was an us. Becoming so intertwined with each other, it’s as if we no longer exist as individuals. If there was a different version of my that once walked this Earth, she is a distant memory scattered through the memories of everyone who had the misfortune of meeting her. She was rougher than the me now, broken in places she wasn’t sure how to fix. The jagged edges caused problems in her relationships. But you were able to withstand them. You worked out the sharp corners. Maybe the pieces couldn’t all be fixed, but you found a way around them. And now here we are, the shadow of what we once were just a distant memory.
To be honest, thoughts of you invade my mind way more than I would like to admit. Every time we parted, it was as though you hadn’t really been there at all. I couldn’t remember seeing you, or the words you had said. You could say I wasn’t paying attention to the fact that you were even there. We were taking up the same space, but I couldn’t remember it. I had this distinct feeling that I may have made you up in my mind. That you were never really there, but rather a thought that was meant to help me get though a past that still haunted me and that isn’t fair to you.
I never gave you the chance you deserved.