Casey’s Journal Part 7

November 30, 2014

The end, it sounds so final. As if part of my life is over forever, I suppose it is. How do you move on from an ending? Do you crawl your way through life, hoping that one day things will get better?

We may have ended, but my life didn’t. I needed to remind myself that there was hope at the end of this tunnel vision I had for you. My life had been focused around our relationship, and I started to lose my sense of self inside. In this thought, I am trying to convince myself that I am better off without you. I’m concerned that, once this numbness wears off, I’m going to plummet into the pain of missing you.

Right now, I feel pretty much nothing. It’s as if I’m in shock. Is it actually over? How could we let us fall apart? We made a promise that was supposed to last forever.

This is just the calm before the storm. A storm which, I suspect, will last a long time. I’m sorry for whoever gets caught in my hurricane of missing you.

To be continued…

Do You Need Space?

What do you call the space that grows between two people? The space that starts off as unnoticeable, but with time can grow into a canyon? And what can you find in this space other than time and distance? Is it always filled with hatred and bitterness, or does it also have doses of indifference? How does this space become so wide, that times seems to passed with a blink of the eye and you have been without them longer than you ever spent next to them? How can some people be so important to you in one part of your life, and not even a speck in your existence in the next? Is this the doomed life we are force to live? Because my heart has been abused by these coming and goings and I don’t want this to get easier with time. Just tell me this distance won’t grow too big, because I can’t imagine a future without you in it, but I’m starting to sense the growing of space.